Ammo & Grenades

who knew a book could speak so much to me!! I've learned a lot about myself through the eyes of Katie Weldon, I'm like her in a lot of ways. One in particular is harboring feelings in my heart, not letting them truly go. Through different hurts, I gave mentally forgiven the people but I realized I haven't heartedly. Some people in my past have hurt me and scarred my heart. It's kinds like I've been saving the hurts, like a " box of hand grenades in the corner." I hang onto them just in case, " for self defense". I either hide or have that storage of ammo saved up when I get too hurt by those closet to me. I realized I have to truly give this box to God to incenerate. Because he doesn't store up a box of ammo to throw at me each time I hurt him. No, he forgave me completely gave me a new start. And he wants me to do the same to his people. God knows my heart completely to the core, he knows this harboring I've had stored up. As Psalm 139:8 says "if I ascend into heaven, you are there; if u make my bed in hell, behold, You are there." I can't hide from God, I might be able to put on a mask and fool everyone including myself but not God. He knows what I think and feel. But he loves me, and he knows I'm not perfect and yet he still works on me and loves on me. As Jeremiah 23:23 says "Am I a God near at hand, says the Lord, And not a God afar off? Can anyone hide himself on secret places, so I shall not see him?" basically we can be deceitful in our own hearts as you read on in that chapter. I want what God wants I want to be free of the scars of the remembersnce of hurt, God take it away. Help me forgive completely just as you forgives me. Set them free set me free. As you wish, amen!

the ol' hinge theology

Goofy title I know, but it's interesting. In a book series I'm currently reading called " Katie Weldon series" a topic about God opening and closing doors came up. Katie Weldon is a college student who doesn't really know what she wants to be or major in. A job is offered to her an RA position for the girl dorm. When she discussed this with resident director she said " even though this is what I want to do, if Gid closed the door I'll understand it isn't Gods will for me." the resident advisor then said agh the ol' hinge theology meaning Gods will seems to hinge on which way the door of oppurtinity swings. He told her that God isn't limited to expressing himself through open or shut doors. So Katie then asked if it was presumptuous to limit God to opening or closing doors, then what's a better way to figure out what he wants when you have to make a big decision. So the RD without saying anything walked away from the door leaving Katie behind went and sat on the couch across the room and mouthed something to Katie. She couldn't hear her so Katie walked across the room to hear her answer. The RA explained that was a visual answer to what God wants from us, if we want to know what he has to say we have to follow him. If your waiting on the door and keep asking you won't hear him only until you get closer to him is when you can hear him. This was considered " hot on his heals" theology. Like when Jesus led the disciples for the three or so years they were together, from the outside their path was confusing but Jesus obviously had a plan. He saidhe accomplished everything the Father sent him to do. All the disciples had to do was follow hot on his heels and trust him. Like some of you I was all about waiting for God to open a door to make an opportunity come swinging my way to serve him or see what he wants for my life. This passage in the story just spoke to me, I can't wait by the door I have leave hope behind and follow the Lord and he'll show me more clearly. Be " hott on his heels". How can we ever really appreciate somone if we don't take the time to know them? Trust is the key in following theLord, knowing he knows the ending chapter and were only at the hook of the story.

Favorite Music Skits <3

I have two favorite music skits that just make me either cry or in awe. The first is probably everyones' favorite, as well known and that is the "Everything" skit by Lifehouse..if you haven't seen it here it is http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cyheJ480LYA Basically it brings me to tears, i love the music and the message. Because once upon a time i felt like the girl in the scene, im sure we've all been there. But my favorite part is the upbeat of the music when it starts "Cause your all i want, your all i need, your everything, everything......" and that is so true!
The second music skit i love is called "God is God".
I love this one because the fact we really don't know the ending picture, what is going to be made by God through us. The fact that he wants to use us even when we feel totally lost. He has a plan, and that plan will be carried out through us, and the ending is perfect!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wMOk5rWPqwg&feature=related

To write love on her arms...

So i read this today and i was simply awe-stricken! Okay for those who dont know this is an organization that takes in people struggling with depression, addiction, self injury, and suicide. They take them in for 5 days and basically share Christ's love to them. Show them love, hope, mercy and forgivness. They encourage and inspire them not oly to get help physically but emotionally as well. This is the website "TWLOHA.com" but go here to read the story behind the organization, if it doesn't bring you tears it surely raises goosebumps! I read it and i was teared up...its so sad but simply asmazing as well. http://www.twloha.com/page.php?id=6
After reading this i started thinking about change, and what a simple act can do to save someone and show them God. A lot of teens who are involved in any of these things are usually lost, they are confused or have never been shown love. it breaks my heart to hear these things or see it. I realized the lover i am, that i need to spread it more so around. Kids need to see that they are loved and someone greater than us loves them too. I was thinking of simple acts of kindness such as compliments, or picking books up for someone who dropped one. Even paying for someone's lunch anonymously, here's a challenge: Next time your in a restaraunt pick someone out and pay for their lunch, well if you have the money to do so, don't tell them and tell the waitress to keep it on the DL. One time my parents did this, God totally laid it on their hearts to do it and they did. To see the look on the old couple's face again, would bring so much joy, the lady even teared up. Maybe that's TOO big of an act, but even the smallest count. Get involved, give if you have the chance to. Get with an organization make one up! Anything to get involved with spreading God's love. Next time your out tell someone you love them, or better yet "Actions speak louder than words." Dont just talk about it, do it! If we were to spread just an ounce of love toward another it would be liek a chain reaction, wild fire! How would you feel if someone did a random act of kindess? You would be over filled with joy! Just do it! That's my challenge.
As you wish

Precious moments & guardian angels

So lately i've been making some self examining. I've decided to change things, how i act to some situations and my self characteristics. I yearn to be a someone God can use full heartedly. I want his light to shine out through me that when i walk into a room that's what everyone sees; not me, GOD! Lately verses have been coming at me that are helping and challenging me to change. One verse in particular that i love is 1 Peter 3:3-4 " Do not let your adornment be merely outward-arranging the hair, wearing fine gold, or putting on fine appareal- rather let it be the hidden person of the heart, wiht the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God." On this note i was chatting with my grandma, my lala who i love and is full of wisdom and we were talking on this subject. I told her how i was struggling with the past on my shoulders that i felt liek my mistakes were still lingering over me and that that was what people saw when they looked at me. And she said that that wasn't true, for me to not dwell on the past. I had to forgive myself like God forgave me. That i was clean. And hwo i felt like i wasn't showing God through me wasn't true either, that the other night when i walked into the room throughmy smile God was radiating himself through me. And it was such a God thing. I started writing this like 10 minutes before she showed up and we had our chat. I was liek God you are so incredible! When i feel down he sends my "guardian" angels to remind me of his plan for me to reasurre me and give me strength. God just showed up to me tonight through my grandma to tell me that he does have bigger things for me and that i do radiate God through me. That's all i want to. To be the kind of girl people see God through, to shed the light on. I want to be a quiet and gentle spirit, to be called precious in the sight of God. God works in mysterious ways! Tonight was absouletly a God moment for me, even through the tears! Amazing, wonderful....everyday i shall praise you! I love you forever, my heart is forever endebted to you! As you wish,
Brittany

Sunlight & Surrender :)

Lately I've been having my own "crowder" moments, but it has to do with the Sun. Everytime i see the sun it seems liek the fiercness of it is radiating down on me more. It's like when i step out from underneath the shadows it smiles down on me. I've kinda founf my own metaphor. The Sun is like an archaic symbol for God. Deep down to my very core it feels like the Lord is smiling His face upon me, when the sun's rays hit my face. It makes me feel very much alive. This thought never occured to me until after i read a favorite series of mine called "Christy Miller Series" by Robin Jones Gunn. The series is about a girl at the age of 14 to the her early 20's. It follows her life, and through it i've learned so much. It's a christian series, and through the book it shows Christy's struggles in her walk with the Lord liek every teenage girl would. One in particular was love. She found her "forever" frien way back when she was 14 and he ended up being "the" one not just "some" one. I loved it, well im a sucker for romance and when i read about "forever" friendships, it just gives me hope. Okay sidetracked there, we all know with love we find heartache, its just the pattern that we go through to learn and grow. Well, the couple was being torn away from each other. Todd wanted to go to Hawaii for some pro surfing and Christy was involved with another guy at the time. he told Christy he wanted to bless her and the blessing has always stuck with me which gave me my thought. He told her this: "May the Lord keep you and bless you and may His face shine upon you." That little quote has forever been apart of me too. Everytime i do something i know the Lord has called/ told me to do, if i'm outside or begin to walk outside into the sunlight it's as if He is smiling on me. There's no better feeling in the world than that. It's liek he's telling you He loves you and is happy with you. God's own blessing in disguise. I love it, it's deffinately a "crowder" moment i enjoy. I just started thinking how relevant all this was, mainly they day i finally gave up the one thing that i was hiding from God. The one dream that i didn't want to surrender, but i did and i whole heartedly did! And i walked outside to throw away the memories of that dream and that's when i felt the sun. It was just brighter and lovlier than before and i knew it that instant, God was smiling. Oh and a side note, with the surrendering part. That's very tough! But i found a song that helped me through that; by Barlow Girls and coindentally enough its called Surrender.
Surrender
By: Barlow Girl
My hands hold safely to my dreams
Clutching tightly not one has fallen.
So many years I’ve shaped each one
Reflecting my heart, showing who I am.
Now you’re asking me to show
What I’m holding Oh so tightly.
Can’t open my hands; can’t let go
Does it matter?
Should I show you?
Can’t you let me go?

Surrender, surrender
You whisper gently
You say I will be freeI know but can’t you see
My dreams are me, My dreams are me.

Say you have a plan for me,
And that you want the best for my life.
Told me the world has yet to see
What you can do with one
That’s committed to your call.I know of course what I should do
That I can’t hold these dreams forever.
But if I give them now to you
Will you take them
Away forever?
Or can I dream again?

Surrender, surrender
You whisper gently
You say I will be free
I know but can’t you see
My dreams are me, My dreams are me.

yeahh...saaayyy yeah...
u say..yeaahhh

Surrender, surrender
You whisper gently
You say I will be free
I know but can’t you see
My dreams are me, My dreams are me.
surrender....

Kissing Dating Goodbye

Okay so i haven't read that book yet but im highly thinking upon doing so come soon. But i came up with the idea for myself for this year. Since New Year's Eve God just began revealing things to me that i have been blinded too. I realized over the course of this past year i sorta wasted it away, my life really. I was just kinda there, not really living at all. I felt like a zombie so to speak, kinda just going through the motions of life in a fog, not really living. I had gone through a lot since last January and i never let it all go. Some people know, and others don't fully understand. I went through a lot of heartache, espcecially disapointment. Not only in others but myself. Through a breakups, fights at home and unsociable with friends i went into a downward spiral, even leaving behind who truly mattered. I didn't want to be around anyone, i just wanted lonliness, and trust me that wish was granted. my friends told me i was unsociable and i was liek a hermit never coming out, and in truth i was. I just feel so wasted, like how could i let a storm knock me down so much, that i felt as if i wasn't whole, living. It wasn't until New Years Eve night that it hit me how much of my Junior year i wasted. I just finally after all the tugging gave into the Lord. I was brought to my knees taht night and many more following. I just finally let the heart go, and gave it to God. I realized i turned my back on everyone, wanting know one to heal me and in the process i died a little inside. I became someone, a new someone. It was unfamiliar and it felt liek walking in someone else's shoes. But then after prayers and revelations God filled me up, gave me my strength back. I felt liek i could breathe again. He just kinda showed me that i was holding on to hopless hope, trying to carry the past and my dreams with me to "try" to become someone for Him. But oh no did i fall short! He told me my dreams had to be released he had bigger plans for my life than to waste it away in heartache. He wanted me to fully let go and trust in Him. And that's exactly what i did. I put it all in God's hand, and he has created this glow, this ember from within to burn away everything but still keep fire for Him. God has deffiantely revealed some mighty plans he has for my life, and that dating is not all that it is hyped to be. So yes, i kissed it goodbye. Why try to strive to conform to some mediocore society? Who says girls aren't "whole" if they don't have "true love"? Let me tell you..your not going to find that now and why waste it on half of the real thing? Like giving yourself up..you then let that treasure be taken and you have nothing to give in the future. Just the same with your heart and guarding it, why give it a way to some teenage fling when you can have the real romance that God has created for us to endure when were ready. So that's what im doing finally..waiting and praying and seeking God's will above mine. Becoming the woman God made me and has tried for so long to help me become, so heartedly sold out for Him and with no distractions! Guys ARE DISTRACTIONS (fyi) been there done that, only leads to heartache, disapointment and regret. I'm not going to be broken any longer, because God is going to use me! So that's where i KISS dating goodbye! Honestly i haven't felt so alive and close to God in a really long time..as a friend said and i quote now "I'm Home!" :)
"Wait on the Lord; Be of good courage, And He shall strengthen your heart; Wait, I say on the LORD!" Psalm 27:14
~Brittany~